Everyone is in for a special treat today. Double Daily List. It’s like hitting the daily double in Jeopardy. So earlier I compiled my top list of best films from the year how about we do one for the worst films of the year? This is gonna be painful.
12. The Expendables
Directed by: Sylvester Stallone
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews
Release Date: August 18
Rotten Tomatoes: 42% (ROTTEN)
This movie is star studded with action super star from yesteryear but at the same time Stallone tries to develop each of them but does it poorly. The action doesn’t start till late in the film and even that doesn’t deliver as by the time they go off on their killing rampage it’s too late and interest is lost in the film. A sequel is being made as we speak….fucking Hollywood
11. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Directed by: Jon Turtletaub
Starring: Nicholas Cage, Jay Baurchel, Alfred Molina
Release Date: July 14
Rotten Tomatoes: 43% (ROTTEN)
This movie was based off of the brief appearance Mickey Mouse had in that one song in Fantasia except it’s not. This is 100% different and we all know it. You are not fooling us Disney. That’s fine that it’s slightly original and totally lame and boring and dull to the fact that we want to be bored. Great we have the lovable loser starring in a film with Hollywood’s nut case Mr. Cage. The writing is off as is the effects. This film feels like it should have been aborted in the scripting stage.
10. The A-Team
Directed by: Joe Carnahan
Starring: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel
Release Date: June 11
Rotten Tomatoes: 48% (ROTTEN)
What was going on in this movie I will never truly understand. Liam Neeson seems to be in love with bad roles but whatever that’s his choice. The film flounders around in mediocrity for a while if not the whole damn thing as it leaves one plot for establishing another then quickly abandoning that one altogether. The film fails at displaying what the show was about and quickly becomes another mundane action film for males.
09. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time
Directed by: Mike Newell
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Sir Ben Kingsley, Alfred Molina
Release Date: May 28
Rotten Tomatoes: 36% (ROTTEN)
POP is a classic video game. It’s great, fun and entertaining. But when Disney fucked it up all hell broke loose. Well not really. The movie was poorly done from the stand point that it was made as a game adaptation. They butchered the games story arc and just threw it all out the window. The fact that there might be a sequel is just as disturbing as the fact that there was a first one in the first place
Directed by: The Brothers Strause
Starring: Donald Faison
Release Date: November 12
Rotten Tomatoes: 12% (ROTTEN)
God this movie had so much hype going into it, it was supposed to be like District 9 meeting Cloverfield. Instead it was just a giant bit of CG with shitty ass acting and no writing. The concept works fine in almost every case but it seems like with this one they didn’t even bother hoping that people would just buy the ticket and see it and leave feeling dumber. I mean it did make 12 million.
07. Grown Ups
Directed by: Denis Dugan
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock, David Spade
Release Date: June 25
Rotten Tomatoes: 10% (ROTTEN)
God this movie was awful just from the concept. So it doesn’t get as high as it should due to the fact that people going into it should have known about its awfulness. The fact that Sandler brings his old team back with the new face of James just sickens me. When is Adam Sandler going to learn he isn’t funny anymore and just freaking shoot himself in the freaking face?
06. Sex in the City 2
Directed by: Michael Patrick King
Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristen Davis, Cynthia Nixon
Release Date: May 27
Rotten Tomatoes: 16% (ROTTEN)
This movie already was rotten before it left the think tank. You take 4 aging women and place them in a conservative land scape and keep in mind that these women are the essential senior sluts, and bam you got a movie. Not really. This is a movie that makes the show look like it’s the older woman’s version of Gossip Girl. I saw about twenty minutes of this movie, mainly at work, and I wanted to die. Not just a little, but a lot.
05. Clash of the Titans
Directed by: Louis Letterrier
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Finnes
Release Date: April 2
Rotten Tomatoes: 28% (ROTTEN)
God this movie was awful. A remake of the classic film of the same name finds Sam Worthington landing a lead role yet again after he showed that cannot act in AVATAR. But look he gets the role anyways. The movie has two amazing costars whose talents are wasted because the script is that bad. Zeus is played by Neeson and Hades by Finnes. Shame they got wasted like this. Even the visuals were off by a lot.
04. Jonah Hex
Directed by: Jimmy Heyward
Starring: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Will Arnett
Release Date: June 18
Rotten Tomatoes: 13% (ROTTEN)
Jonah Hex, only your horrible stink can be hidden up by Toy Story 3 coming out the same damn day. It’s been a while since a cast like this has been assembled to do something so damn bad. DC was hoping you’d do better since Iron Man 2 just finished it’s big run and it was DC’s turn to dominate. Poor Brolin, you won’t make this a franchise.
03. Resident Evil: Afterlife
Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring: Millia Jovovich, Ali Larter, Wentworth Miller
Release Date: September 10
Rotten Tomatoes: 26% (ROTTEN)
Sure this movie has a lower score than the number 2 movie, but god nothing makes that one look worse than number one. Sure this year was a year without Michael Bay and Eddie Murphy’s ugly heads sticking around but god this video game adaptation made me wish Uwe Boll was directing it. Every single second was torture. Three years ago the series officially became retarded with it’s film saga and now they decide to add the legendary characters from the series into a stinking pile of dog shit movie? Bad move.
02. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Directed by: David Slade
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Launter
Release Date: June 30
Rotten Tomatoes: 50% (ROTTEN)
While the tomato meter has this film bordering on fresh let me remind you why this is rotten to the core. It’s Twilght. A nightmare in itself. As an improvement over the other two films in the series it still is complete garbage. People pay money to watch a girl get either a vampire or a werewolf to fuck her all the while she can’t make up her mind. Sure the effects look god awful, and the story is cheesey and the dialogue is worse than that of half the movies on this list, it still reels in the money.
01. The Last Airbender
Directed by: M. Night Shymalan
Starring: No One Worth Noting
Release Date: July 1
Rotten Tomatoes: 06% (ROTTEN)
The Last Airbender was one of the ugliest films to date. It’s awful structure and poor way to telling a story is now famous. M. Night tried hard at translating a 20+ episode season of a hit kid’s cartoon show into a 2 hour long dud. The effects felt more lifeless than the acting as the water and air and fire that were summoned just fell flat to the ground. M. Night does plan on making the other two seasons of the show into hit blockbuster flops.