MOVIE REVIEW: The Expendables

Ah, the 1980’s, it was a time for music that was heavy on the synthesizers and action movies. Yes the ’80’s was full of action movies. Stars like Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwartzenagger, Jean Claude Van Damme, etc… all made their careers as action stars. Films like Die Hard, Rambo, The Terminator were impressive action films that worked well and had the formula tried and true. Well the ’90’s came and Tim Burton, according to Stallone ruined the action film with Batman. So what does Stallone do, he makes The Expendables

The Expendables is a star studded event. Not only does it have the three big ones (even if Willis and Arnold are in it for 5 minutes or less) it features so many other action stars. But Stallone seems to have just been looking for an easy way to cash in.

The plot focuses on a team of mercenaries who go to South America on a job in order to take out an evil dictator. Very simple, see one sentence. The way Stallone writes the script it seems like he actually thinks the way to develop the characters is to have them get into a truck with Stallone’s character and have a p#$$y moment by complaining about something or other.

The casting was god awful, as most of the actors legitimately can’t act (see Stallone). The characters names are rather unimaginative, Jet Li plays Yin Yang. There is a lack of any actual concern for any of the characters well being. For the love of god you actually hope that they all die in the end of the movie as there was nothing too memorable in it.

Dialogue is atrocious. There really isn’t many words that can describe it. Take for instance Jet Li looks at Stallone and the conversation goes like this:

Jet Li: I need more money

Stallone: Why?

Li: For my family

Stallone: You’re not getting more money.

Wow so deep! The only redeeming thing about the movie is the action…Ah but they tease you. For an action movie there is a lack of action. How does only 20-30 minutes of action in a hardcore action film sound? PRETTY F#%^ING AWESOME? Wrong. In a movie like this you need more action, that was the only thing that made this movie entertaining. But even that was campy (camera shots were awful throughout) and it was over the top as all get up.

In short, if you want to see this your mind is already made up, you’re gonna love it because you got a pair of testes hanging from your groin. I too am a man but I couldn’t stomach it in the least.

RATING: 2/10 for women, 7/10 for men, 2/10 for men who don’t like these kind of movies

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About Angerbanjo

As passionate as one can be about certain topics it is hard to make a living with that passion, that being said my passion for nerd culture, modern music and video gaming has yet to translate into anything moderately successful, that and my degree in electronic media, but hey at least I can use that journalism minor. View all posts by Angerbanjo

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